I don't know how else to title this, except GRRRRRRR! Maybe I should have put frustration, confusion, self doubt, failure. I guess any of those would have worked.
Just when I think I have things figured out, or at least I am somewhat happy, I get thrown curve balls. Now I am wondering if I am doing this to myself. Am I throwing myself to the dogs. Am I the one that is making life so difficult. Does life have to be this difficult and full of frustration? You know I heard someone say that life is only as difficult as we make it. We are only happy if we choose to be happy. I am really trying to choose to be happy. But I just can't seem to get out of this funk that I am in. Can't seem to make myself happy anymore.Or I forgot how to make myself happy. Does this make me depressed? Probably,,,but I don't want to live my life dependent on a drug to make me happy. So how do you do it without drugs?
Someone once said that if you surround yourself with those things that make you happy that you will eventually be happy. What if you can't surround yourself with everything that makes you happy. Do you just take what you can get? And thrive on that to make yourself happy? What if that isn't enough? What if I am greedy and want it all? Is it possible? Or do you end up having to choose which one to take and leave the other behind? I guess that I am greedy. I want it all! I may not deserve it all, but I want it all.
Well I have made the decision to have most of it. My kids are the most important in my life, so I chose to be closer to them. But in the mean time I am sacrificing a relationship with a guy that means the world to me. He is very understanding, behind whatever I do 100%. How could I have asked to find someone like this. And I know that he will always be there for me, but I know that this is a strain on him, and our relationship. But he always says he is with me 100%. Am I wrong to not be happy with my life when I am with my kids. I chose to be here with them. You would think that that would make me happy. Maybe it is the living arrangements I have. Or maybe it is just me being greedy.
What does everyone think? What in this world makes you? Are you 100% happy with life? Is it possible to be 100% happy with life?
