Overview.......

This has been a year of ups and downs....I wish it was more ups then it was downs.

But I have learned a lot over the year. I have learned a lot about myself, friends, dating, and loneliness.

Let me recap the year. I left my husband of 21 years...not an easy decision but one that had to be made. Was it a good one....It was a good one, but a very hard one. It hasn't been very easy at all. I have had to learn a lot about myself, about how to do things for myself.  How to try not to feel so alone in everything I do. Do I like it no...Do I feel like I am by myself in everything I do? Hell yes! Do I want someone to hold me, tell me everything will be ok, to laugh with? Yes! But I am sure that time will come. I am sure that I will find that one person that can feel that spot or emptiness in my life.

My dad passed away in December. I can't believe that it has been almost a year since he passed away. I never realized how much we depend on our parents until they are both gone from this life. From your everyday existense. Do I miss them? Yes! I wish that they were around to talk to, to go to when I have a problem and need a parent to help me. 

I have had fights with the ex, but I think that this has actually made me learn to communicate better with him....I have learned to think before I talk...Not that that always happens. But it happens more now then it not happening. So I am learning to let go of the hurtful feelings I have. Believe me they are not all gone. There is still hurt feelings, but I am learning to let go. I don't want to be that person that keeps the hurt around for the rest of my life. Not fair to me or who I end up with in a relationship.

Financially it has been crazy. I have lost how to keep up with bills. I don't have money, and I should be able to pay all my bills. Not that being suspended from work helped. Do I need to buckle down in life. Yes! Do I need to learn how to budget my money? Hell yes. 

Have I had fun this last year? I would say yes. I have met some interesting people. I have had some interesting dates. I have made some good friends along the way! Would I trade what I have done and learned this year for an unbroken home? Yes I would. But I am a different person now. I have learned that I can be myself and I don't have to impress anyone. That I deserve to be treated with respect, love, tenderness. I deserve to feel that passion for life, love. To have someone treat me with such passion and love. I can't wait to find that person. Because when I do my life will make sense. Life will be complete! Will I find that person? I hope so. Sooner than later!

My children through all this? Well I think most of them  have adjusted. I think right now Christopher is having the hardest time with it. Although he won't admit it.

My new years resolution! Yes I know that it isn't a new year yet, but I am going to start my new year now. To write things that are more positive. More about my family and things that are happening in our lives that are more positive. I am going to be better at doing my bills and having money to be able to do the things that my kids would like to do. I am going to be rich in life, not money and that will be ok.

ON TO BETTER THINGS!!!!!!!!