Holidays......

Holidays are upon us. Are Holidays a burden or an excitement?  It seems like every year it get worse on the burden of it. I have lost all excitement for the holidays. I miss the times when I was a kid. The excitement to wake up early and go jump on Mom and Dad. Having them tell you to go back to bed, but instead you go downstairs and look at all the presents, look thru your stocking to see an orange, banana, nuts, and little gifts. The traditions that we had as a family. All this has gone out the door. I so want to capture those moments again. I don't seem to be able to. It has become so commercialized and such a burden to do Christmas anymore. I wish I knew how to change that. I wish I knew how to get that excitement, wonderment, awwwe, of Christmas. 

Tell me some of your most memorable Christmas traditions. 

Grrrrrrrrr!'s

I don't know how else to title this, except GRRRRRRR! Maybe I should have put frustration, confusion, self doubt, failure. I guess any of those would have worked. 

Just when I think I have things figured out, or at least I am somewhat happy, I get thrown curve balls. Now I am wondering if I am doing this to myself. Am I throwing myself to the dogs. Am I the one that is making life so difficult. Does life have to be this difficult and full of frustration? You know I heard someone say that life is only as difficult as we make it. We are only happy if we choose to be happy. I am really trying to choose to be happy. But I just can't seem to get out of this funk that I am in. Can't seem to make myself happy anymore.Or I forgot how to make myself happy. Does this make me depressed? Probably,,,but I don't want to live my life dependent on a drug to make me happy. So how do you do it without drugs? 

Someone once said that if you surround yourself with those things that make you happy that you will eventually be happy. What if you can't surround yourself with everything that makes you happy. Do you just take what you can get? And thrive on that to make yourself happy? What if that isn't enough? What if I am greedy and want it all? Is it possible? Or do you end up having to choose which one to take and leave the other behind? I guess that I am greedy. I want it all! I may not deserve it all, but I want it all.

Well I have made the decision to have most of it. My kids are the most important in my life, so I chose to be closer to them. But in the mean time I am sacrificing a relationship with a guy that means the world to me. He is very understanding, behind whatever I do 100%. How could I have asked to find someone like this. And I know that he will always be there for me, but I know that this is a strain on him, and our relationship. But he always says he is with me 100%. Am I wrong to not be happy with my life when I am with my kids. I chose to be here with them. You would think that that would make me happy. Maybe it is the living arrangements I have. Or maybe it is just me being greedy.

What does everyone think? What in this world makes you? Are you 100% happy with life? Is it possible to be 100% happy with life?

Choices...How do they affect our lives?

So I am finding myself having to make more and more choices in my life. Sometimes I wish that they were easier to make or at least at little more straight forward on what to do. But they aren't!

Why do we have to have choices in our lives? Why can't it just be this what is going to happen and that it? Don't you wish life could be easier, less stressful? Keep dreamin!

We are put on this earth to learn. Part of learning is to learn how to make choices whether they be good choices or bad ones. We always learn from them. 

I have had to make some hard and easy choices in the last couple of years. Believe me most of them have been hard. Have some of them been wrong choices? Yes! But most of them have bee good choices for my life. Example of good ones. Believe it or not my divorce. Why? Because even though it has been rough on everyone, especially my kids, it was a good decision. I think back on the decision and I know it was the right decision for me and my kids. I know at times they don't think so, but it has been. It has made me a happier person, it has made me a better mom, I think, I am a stronger person. So those are the good parts. Another good decision, even though it has been rough and hard, is moving out of Preston. I needed this life change. Yes it has affected my kids, but they will be ok. My life has to move on.
Will we ever stop making decisions? No! We will always have to make decisions. We make decisions every day of our lives. Some may be big some may be small. But they are decision that we have to make to live our lives.

Changes in Life......

Wow it has been since November that I have written on my blog. A lot has happened since November. Life has taken a change for the better. 

Let me start at the beginning. Spent Thanksgiving at work at the Nursing home, then went to my brothers. My kids went to their dad's for the weekend. I worked. Then December came along. What a whirl wind month it was. I met Mike! He isn't your typical guy. We didn't have typical dates. Our first date was going to IHOP Sunday morning on the 7th. Our first date he met three of my kids and the ex. Wow what a first date. Then he came back down on the 9th, spent the night. We stayed up all night talking....It was a good night. Then we went to his DR appointment. Yes a DR appointment. That was our second date. The third date was on the 23rd when I took him to have surgery on both hands. I told you we didn't have typical dates. Then he just stayed at my place for two weeks. Now it never felt weird to have him there. It was like we have always been together. In February I started a new job up where he lives in Elba, Idaho. Now here it is the end of May and we are still growing strong. 

Remember how I told you that I was not looking forward to the holidays. That I would be by myself. Well I ended up with someone for the holidays. It was very nice. It has been a whirl wind romance in someways, but I feel more like myself and a lot happier since I have been with Mike. We fit with each other. 

In May we went to Arizona so that I could meet his mother. She still has a lot of spunk in her. She is such a vibrant, loving, lady. I am so glad that I got to meet her. On mother's day, I was surprised by a little box for mother's day. Mike asked me to marry him. And of course I said yes. I can't wait until I can be fully his. He has made my life so much more complete. He loves me and my kids. And cares what happens to us. He makes me smile, laugh, crazy, and sometimes mad. But we never go to bed angry at each other. And I love that about him. I never go to bed wondering if he still loves me. I always know.

I am happy for once in my life! Really happy! I have wonderful kids, and a wonderful guy , and amazing friends in my life! Couldn't ask for anything better.