Repentance........

The repentance process...So how much do we actually know about how we go about repenting. Yes we know the normal basic steps. Which is 6 steps that you have to take.

1. Faith to rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ

2. Sorrow for committing the sin

3. Confession

4. Abandonment of sin

5. Restitution

6. Righteous living

Seems simple right? Doesn't seem like that would be hard to accomplish, until you actually have to do it. 

Lets take the first step...Faith to rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. What exactly does this mean? Well there is a scripture in Alma 34:17 “Therefore may God grant unto you, my brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you”. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is there for us. He suffered everything for us. So it is there for us to have faith in. So that we can change our heart, be cleansed, and be forgiven. It is hard to realize that Jesus Christ made such a sacrifice for us, so that we could have this process in our lives to be able become a better person.

2. Sorrow for committing the sin...not just sorrow, but godly sorrow. Godly sorrow is having such sorrow for committing the sin you are are heart broken for what you have done. Godly sorrow gives you a sincere desire to change and a willingness to take the consequence for your actions. Alma said it best: "Let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance."(Alma 42: 29)

3. Confession....Well you should know what this means. Of course you have to confess. It doesn't do any good to recognize the sin, and not confess it. In D&C 61:2 the Lord as promised, "I, the Lord, forgive sins, and am merciful unto those who confess their sins with a humble heart."

Confess your sins to your Heavenly Father with a sincere heart through prayer. Ask for forgiveness to the one that you have wronged. If it is a serious sin the go to your Bishop and confess.

4. Abandonment of sin....Forsaking the sin....This means simply never do it again. Regretting that you have done it. Stay away from situations that may cause you to commit the sin again, In D&C 58:43 it says, "By this ye may know if a man repented of his sins...behold, he will confess them and forsake them.

5. Restitution...To pay back, or take the consequences for the sin. Seeking to restore the damage as far as possible. If a liar, make the truth be known. As we do these things God will not mention our sins to us when we are being judged. What a great promise.  In Ezekiel 33: 15-16, it says, "If the wicked restore the pledge, give again that he had robbed, walk in the statues of life, without committing iniquity; he shall surely live, he shall not die.

None of his sins that he hath committed shall be mentioned unto him: he hath done that which is lawful and right; he shall surely live."

6. Righteous living....Living a life of obedience. It isn't enough to just stop sinning, you also have to live a life of obedience. A change of heart to fill your life with righteous living and to bring into your life activities that bring you spiritual uplifting. You have to strive to bring in to life to live all the commandments not just the ones that you disobeyed. D&C 1: 32, "he that repents and does the commandments of the Lord shall be forgiven."

Not so easy once you realize everything that is involved in those six steps. Is it worth it to go through all this process for a sin. You tell me! I think that it most definitely worth it. Look at the promises the Lord has given us if we repent of our sins. How could you pass that up. And wouldn't we be doing Jesus an injustice if we didn't repent. He suffered for us, so that we could repent. 

Courage......

This seems to be something I am lacking right now. COURAGE! I just came across this quote from President Monson today on FB. 

“Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God’s approval. A moral coward is one who is afraid to do what he thinks is right because others will disapprove or laugh. Remember that all men have their fears, but those who face their fears with dignity have courage as well.... May we muster courage for the conflicts, courage to say no, courage to say yes, for courage counts.” ~Thomas S Monson

Very strong quote...Do we have the courage to stand up for what we believe, who we are as a person? I think that I don't have that courage right now. It is there, but to actually use it, and face my fears, nope. I guess that in some way I am a coward. I can't seem to face my fears. Let me tell you there is a lot of them. It seems like they keep reappearing to me...and break me down. How do you stand up to those fears. Have the courage to do what is right no matter what. Sometimes it is easier to take the easy road. Especially for me right now. I don't always want to know what will happen. I don't always want to know what someone might say. Or if I come out and say the things I need to will I lose the people in my life that I love having in my life. But I guess if I do, then they aren't meant to be in my life. This is a real struggle with me. 

I know that the courage that President Monson is talking about is to stand up for what is it right. And that is a struggle for me also. I tend to be quiet, and I shouldn't. But I think that it goes for any struggle in your life. We all face struggles that we don't always have the courage to face. Like I said if I do something about it, I am afraid to lose the friendship. Or if I don't do anything about it then I will always wonder what if I had said something. Do I have the courage? Nope I still don't.

We will all face fear, experience ridicule, and meet opposition. Let us—all of us—have the courage to defy the consensus, the courage to stand for principle. Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God’s approval.Courage becomes a living and an attractive virtue when it is regarded not only as a willingness to die manfully but also as the determination to live decently. As we move forward, striving to live as we should, we will surely receive help from the Lord and can find comfort in His words. I love His promise recorded in the book of Joshua:

“I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. …

Why is this such a hard thing to have faith in. That the Lord is always there for you! That he will always be there for us. He may not always give a us what we want but he will do what it right for us.

It comes down to having faith and courage. 

You cannot be truthful if you are not courageous.
You cannot be loving if you are not courageous.
You cannot be trusting if you are not courageous.
You cannot enter into reality if you are not courageous.
Hence courage comes first... and everything else follows.”
                   
Osho, 1931-1990Indian Spiritual Teacher

                                                                    "Come to the edge."
                                                                 "We can't. We're afraid."

"Come to the edge."

"We can't. We will fall!"

"Come to the edge."

And they came.

And he pushed them.

And they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire

French Poet and Philosophe

Lets have that courage to be able to be truthful, loving, trusting, and have reality in our lives.

My feelings now.....

I have gone to counseling for over a year now. Has it helped? For the most part yes it has, in most areas. Except one it comes to my Gerald. I seem to put the attack mode on with. I am always defensive with him. I can't seem to stop. I always feel like I have to protect myself from him, that I need to be on the defensive with him. Why? because I feel like I get no respect from him, no support from him. It is always his way that is better. I am done feeling like I am inadequate of a person, mother, and wife. I have never been good enough, and I am tired of feeling that way. 

I just want to give up. Runaway. I am tired of always feeling worthless when it comes to him and my son. I can't ever do anything right, I am bitch. I am constantly reminded of how much money Gerald gives me, that he helped with the yard. Mine you that he didn't help for over a year, but when my neighbor started helping clear out the weeds, he jumped right in to help. I am glad for the help, I thanked him for the help, but I know that he didn't do it for me. 

I am tired of how much money he says that he gives me beyond what he suppose to give me. I am tired of being told in so many different ways that I am a horrible person. That I don't care, that what I do is wrong. When do I get to feel like I worth something to someone. That someone supports me and respects me for who I am. 

I so desperately want to just crawl into a hole and stay forever. I have tried so hard to make my kids happy, to provide for them. And it is surprising how one child can tear you down, and make you feel like you are nothing. 

You know I have learned over the past month that there are guys out there that can treat a woman with respect, with love, compassion, that I should demand that from guys. Because that is how woman should be treated. But after tonight I just don't think that I deserve it. I think that I am just going to hide for awhile. 

There is only one person that I am falling for. And he is the best thing that has ever been in my life, but I don't think that I deserve him. He deserves to have someone better than me in his life. 

I think that I am just done. Done with it all. I will just become a hermit. 

This is how I feel. I can't handle being put down anymore. I think that I am feeling better about myself, and I get knocked down again, and again. 

I am so sorry everyone. That I am a horrible person. I will stay out of everyones way. I will just do what have to do from day to day! I love my kids dearly. I hate to think that I am not being the best mom that I can be. Or the best person I can be. 

I am done....Don't worry I just want to be a hermit...nothing else.

Getting life back in order.......

I listened to conference, well at least a couple of sessions. To me some of the apostles were trying to direct us to make sure that our lives are what they are suppose to be. Well, me personally, not there. But I am remedying that. I know that it will be a hard road for me. I have not been perfect for the last year in a half. I am ready to strive to be perfect though. I know that my salvation is important to me. That I need to have the gospel in my life. Will it be easy? Hell no! It will be the hardest thing I have to do in my life.

Elder Jorg Klebingat asked us on a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your spiritual confidence before God? Me right now probably 2. Do I want to work at it being a 10. Yes! He gave us six things that we could do to obtain this.

1. Take responsibility for your own spiritual well being. Stop blaming everyone else for you not having that spirit with. Boy this is a big one for me! Why? because I have been doing this. Who cares what everyone else things or does. Worry about your spirituality. Worry about you keeping close to your heavenly father. Stop making excuses for why you are not trying to strive to be perfect. He know what you are choosing to do.

2. Take responsibility for your health. It helps your self esteem. Boyd K. Packer said that our spirit and our body are combined in such a way that our body becomes an instrument to our mind and a foundation to soul, and mind. Not just part of it.

4. Become really really good at repenting thoroughly and quickly. Because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is very practical you should apply it generously and often 24/7 because it never runs out. Always be repenting and asking for forgiveness. Always and often. It is there for us to lean on. 

5. Become good at forgiving. This is definitely a hard one for me. But it is something that I need to work at. I don't think that you can truly be happy if you are always angry at someone. Spiritual confidence gets stronger when you know and the lord knows that you have no ill feelings towards anyone.

6. Except trials, setbacks, and surprises as part of your moral experience. Choose to make these things lessons to learn from. We are put here on the earth to be tested and prove ourselves. So lets do it. Excepts the thing that happen to us. Take them as lessons in life and deal with them with happiness and a contrite spirit.

I think that his talk is the best. I loved his talk. This is how we should live our lives on a daily basis.

So lets take responsibility for ourselves, repent often, forgive and not have ill feelings towards anyone. And except things that come our way.