Divorce....

So I was just sitting here thinking about my divorce. It seems like it is a long process to go thru. 

I have had the papers in for about 2 months. Got all signed, they sent them to the courts in Idaho. Then Idaho decided that I needed to jump through all the little loop holes that there is. What a pain.

I have one paper left for Gerald to sign. All he has to do is sign in front of notary. Do you think he could do it in timely manner. Of course not. Now he is making me wait for that one paper. He has had it for almost 3 weeks. He told me last week that he would read thru the papers and get them signed. When I asked him about the day before he left. He said he would get it done when this next week. So it will be almost 4 weeks that he has had that paper. 

What do I think he is trying to do. Who knows. But again I am the one that is waiting for something that I want done. Like always. The only time that he does something right off the bat, is if he wants it done. I know that this sounds like a bitch session. Maybe it is. But I still have that fear, not really fear. I don't know what I would call it. But I just can't seem to say exactly what I want to say to him. I can't ever seem to be able to get him to do something for me when I want it done. I am always waiting. 

This is another problem with our marriage. I come second to him. Never first. Not that I want to be first all the time, just sometimes would be nice. It seems like whatever he has going is more important than what I feel needs to get done. 

Example, I had been wanting the pantry redone for the last 3 years. We even talked about what to do . Did it get done. Nope. He got a shed built, because that is what he wanted to do. 

I am under the firm believe that when you are in a relationship each of you need to give a 110%. There is no 50/50. You have to give it your all for it to work. 

I think this is where we went wrong. For the last 10+ years we have been living like roommates with kids. We didn't date, socialize at all with each other. He did his thing I did mine. We never talked. Only if we had to . We would talk about the kids, but that was all. I wish now that I look back on it that we would have done more dating, more communicating. We lost each other amongst the world. It came to be more important to be in front of the computer or television. I think that technology took over our lives. I think that it takes over every ones lives.

There needs to be a balance with things. Especially in a relationship. I remember when we first got married. We did everything together. We talked ,we played games, we went out with friends, or by ourselves on a date. Kept us going on our relationship. Then we started adding in cell phones, computers on the internet, television.  We forgot all the little things that we did with each other. We didn't have that balance in our relationship anymore!