The Scriptures......

So how many of us have been members are whole life, and never read the scriptures from the beginning to the end? I am going to bet that there is a lot of us out there that haven't. Oh we have read hear and there. We have done the scripture chases in seminary. But to actually sit down and read from cover to cover. Not a lot of us have done that. And maybe I am wrong it is only a handful. Well I am going to try to read the Book of Mormon. I think it is time that I gain a testimony for myself and not lean on everyone else. Because I can tell you that it isn't working that way. Time to put those big girl panties on, and lean on myself and God. In order to do that, I need to gain that testimony for myself. Is it possible, I think so.

So I am making it a goal from this date to start reading the Book Of  Mormon. Hopefully I will be able to get it read. 

In the words of President Kimball. Just do it!

Deadly sins of marriage..............

So I was on Facebook this morning and I came across this article on 7 Deadly Sins of Marriage. I thought that it would be a good thing to write on, considering I am looking for my third marriage. Maybe it will help someone out there, along with helping me.

The first deadly sin is Lust. Now I thought that this was just lusting after one woman, nope. It is anything with a sexual nature to it. Any sexual addiction, pornography, adultery, fornication, and  that same uncontrollable sexual desire will destroy your marriage. 

How do you prevent this. Make sure your mate is sexually satisfied, make sure that you are communicating what your desires are. I know that this is hard concept, because it isn't an easy concept for me to accomplish. My communication is getting better, but talking about sex and what I desire isn't that easy. But it is a necessity. How else are you suppose to know your partners desires. If you are not getting your needs met, master those impulses, prepare your partner so that she has that desire to share those intimate times with you. I can't tell you how important this is in a marriage. It is right up there with communicating. Chasity is the opposite of lust.

The second is Sloth. Indifference to your partner. Communicate with them, yes communicate. You can talk to each other about your day. Tell them the things you need and want. Be interested interested in what they say. Find out if they need something, if they are feeling sick or hungry. See if they want some alone time or go for a walk with them. Don't be just sitting on the Internet or do something that only takes one to do. Get up off your asses and do something with your spouse. Enjoy that time with each other. You should want to spend time with each other after being apart from each other during the day. Diligence is the opposite of sloth.

Third is Gluttony and Drunkenness. Excessive assumption of food, addiction to harmful substances. Not good for you or your spouse. Unhealthy and leaves your spouse alone and in a state of despair. If you love someone don't do this to them. If you have an addiction get help and not just from your spouse. Be able to admit that there is an addiction, go to the classes for that addiction. Have your spouse go with you so that they will understand where the addiction is coming from. These addictions only lead to a dead end. Temperance is the opposite of gluttony.

Fourth is Wrath...Not a good one. Don't spend your time having anger, hatred, and intolerance for your spouse. Enjoy the time with each other, find a way to find the humor in things, laugh at life. Don't let life problems become why your marriage ended. Finding the humor in things will show you that it wasn't all that bad a few minutes ago. Pray for the peace and patience. Control your tongue. Don't say the first thing that comes out of your mouth. It isn't healthy to have so much hatred and anger in your marriage. This is another one that I have learned is not good. I spent a lot of times being angry and hatred for my spouse that I ended up sad and miserable. And so did he. So much so , that we ended up being room mates instead of husband and wife. Not healthy. Patience is the opposite of wrath.

Fifth is Envy. Wow this is a good one. I definitely had envy. I would always look at couple and wished that my marriage could be like that. That we could always be falling in love with each other every day. Instead of envy someone else. Do that in your own relationship. You control your own Happily Ever After. It is not a fairy tale. Charity is the opposite of envy.

Sixth is Greed. How many of us always want to keep up with the Jones. Well you will never be able to keep up with them. So stop trying. Be happy with what you have. Greed just gets in the way of you being happy. Of enjoying life. Why would you not want to enjoy your life and be happy. That is my goal, is to be happy. Not what everyone else has. I am happy with what I have. I have worked hard for what I have. And I am damn proud of that. Don't worry about what you don't have and be happy with what you do have. Because it will get in the way of making a happy life with your spouse. Generosity is the opposite of greed.

Sixth is pride. Pride is also known as the mother of all sins. Other synonyms are: arrogance, vanity, insolence and vainglory. It stems from enmity, as explained by the religious leader Ezra Taft Benson. A proud person will never apologize; in a marriage relationship that attitude becomes a deadly weapon. In a relationship where none, or just one of them, is humble enough to ask for forgiveness, with surety will not become a nest of happiness and bliss. Learn to be humble, to love and respect your partner. Control your ego and recognize the excellent abilities, gifts and talents of your spouse. Recognize her efforts to please you. Be a faithful friend and constant companion to the person you promised to spend the rest of your days with. Humility is the opposite of pride.

Seventh is you can change....are you guilty of any sins in your relationship? If so, it is never to late to change one of the deadly sins of marriage for one of the seven virtues in marriage. 

Relationship Ready or Not........

Was it just a feeling that one day you woke up with? Or is something that just comes on slowly? Or was it just when you happen to meet the right person? These are very valid questions to ask! But I really think that it is a personal decision. There is no one answer to this. It depends fully on you!

Just remember that it takes two to tango. So you were part of the problem in the marriage, so make sure that you have made changes for yourself so that you don't go thru the same thing with the next relationship.

First of all, when you go thru a divorce it really plays with your self esteem. You start believing that you are a failure! You need to make sure that you fix this. Believe me, I have had experience with this. I have been thru two divorces, not fun. Make sure that you like and love yourself, because that is the only way that you are going to be able to love someone else.

Second, make sure you are not bringing in the same problems that you had in the marriage into your next relationship. If you have problems with communication, work on it. Learn how to communicate. If you have problems with intimacy, work on it. Work on all your problems so you don't bring those problems into your next relationship. Because if you do, you will end up in divorce again,

Third, hold yourself responsible. Don't lay blame with your ex all the time. It take two to tango. So yes you were part of the problem. Just like it takes two to make a marriage work, it takes two to destroy it also.

Fourth.Remember that your kids are going thru this too. They have to be ready for a new guy in your life. Make sure they can handle it. You may find out that they aren't ready to see you with another guy. Talk to them make sure that they are ready for you to bring another man into their lives. Don't bring every guy that you date home with you. Make sure that he is one that will be around for awhile so that you aren't putting your kids through more stress.

Fifth. Remember that your marriage is dead not you. Mourn the loss of your marriage, then move on. You are still very much alive. Your heart still beats and you still yearn for an attachment to another. Treat the end of your marriage as a new beginning. An opportunity to change for the better, practice the art of forgiveness, and hold yourself accountable. If you do these things you will have a better chance at making the next relationship your in last. 

Hopefully you can find that guy who is going to be your first and last kiss for the rest of your life. That the second time around is going to be better than you ever thought possible.

I personally hope that I find that guy that will be my first and last kiss. That will be my best friend, my forever friend. The one that will make me want to be a better person and partner. 

So don't go out when you aren't ready to move on. And when you are guys/gals, make sure that that person will respect you for wanting to wait for intimacy. I like the idea of not being kissed on the first date. I like the idea of talking, and just being with someone without having intimacy involved at first. There is plenty of time for intimacy in a relationship. And what if you don't hear from that person again. Well then you just basically had a make out session with someone you don't even know. How would that make you feel?  Kudos to the ones that wait. It is awesome when you finally do kiss, because that anticipation is there and you have already started liking that person. That person is there because they like you, not just for the make out session.

"Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhealthy marriage, teaching your kids the wrong thing about love. Nobody ever died from divorce." But lets learn from it. Lets not repeat the same habits, so that we can show our kids a healthy loving relationship. 

What makes you tick?........

What makes you tick? I was asked this question the other night by my friend Darrin. And I honestly don't really know what the answer would be. What does it mean to ask someone what makes them tick? Well just in case you don't know what that means I will tell you. It means what motivates you to live your life day to day! What keeps you going thru your day to day life. I think that is a hard question for people to answer. At least it is a hard one for me. Maybe I don't know who I am completely, because that seems like a very easy question to answer. 

So I have thought about it. I am not a big reader, but if a topic interest me I will look it up and read about it. My kids motivate me to do just be alive. To enjoy life, to laugh, and to cry. But the one thing that I love doing is probably being around people. People interest me. I love seeing how other people interact with family, friends, and co workers. How they deal with everyday life. I like to see how people handle situations. I am definitely a people person. Not one of those ones that need to be with a crowd of people all the time, but one that can sit in the back and just watch what people do or how they interact with each other.

My other tick in life is DIY projects. I love changing things and making my house, my personality. Decorating it to fit me and my family. I love making new things old looking. I love to transform things to make them look better or for a different use.  It is relaxing to me. 

This blog has become a tick in my life. I love to be able to write down my feelings, things that I have questions on, or finding a topic to write on. Like this one.

So maybe as we go thru life we should think about the things that make us tick! The things that help us get thru the day, to live our life. 

So figure out those ticks in your life. Because if you figure out those ticks in life your life is going to be better and happier. You will be doing the things that make you the happiest. Don't get me wrong you will have those times that are down, but that is part of life. Just don't let life pass you by and leave you asking yourself why you didn't do the things that made you happy!

ENJOY LIFE!

Intimacy.....

Everyone has their own definition of intimacy. Intimacy is a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person. Intimacy that is genuine requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity. I know that I missed out on that intimacy with my past relationships. Especially after last night.

Do you know that you can actually have an intimate time with someone without having to have fondle each other. That it takes a tenderness, sweetness, and just the caressing of your skin around your face, your arms, and your back...to take you to heights and intimacy that I don't think anyone has been to. At least I know that I haven't been too. 

Well last night it happened. This very different guy, at least for me, asked me if he could kiss me. Now I have never been asked if I could be kissed. Then he asked if he could just hold me. And of course, I said yes. Now just to let you know this was our third date. Nothing, except talking happened on the first and second date. So we kissed. And let me to tell you, I have never been kissed like that before. It was a very slow, tender, and toe curling kiss. Then we snuggled on his bed, and just talked or looked into each others eyes. It was amazing how intimate and exciting it was. He kissed me on my ear down to my shoulder slowly and tenderly, while my body was tingling all the way to my toes, then blew on the kisses. Making me weak in the knees from the excitement. All without having to fondle each other. He took me to a level of intimacy that I never knew existed. One that I hope I can always be able to cherish, 

The reason for putting this on my blog? The remembrance for me that I can have my needs, without having a groping session with a guy, but by having a tender, sweet, and exciting make out session and go home feeling like you were respected and not raped of all your emotions. 

I cherish this time for the fact that it was the most exciting time I have ever had with a guy. I thank this guy for showing me that it is okay to be treated with tenderness, sweetness, and respect. That there is a different level to intimacy that is in a relationship.

I thank this guy again. And I know that whatever happens with this guy, this moment I had with him will be cherished because he taught me that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

The perfect man....

Is there a perfect man/woman out there? Do we know what perfect is? Definition of perfect: 1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of it nature or kind. 2. Being without defect or blemish. 3. Thoroughly skilled or talented in a certain field or area, proficient. So then I put the question out there again; Is there a perfect man/woman out there?

Mae West said it best, "It's not the men in my life, but the lack of life in my men that worries me!"

This would be a perfect man..a man that has a life in him. The man that can listen, that has action, in his life. Not just the typical basic answers. He has to be good looking, kind, gentle, loyal, have respect, honest, but he also has to be able to listen and act. To me that would be the most intriguing aspect of a man. Can he listen, can he encourage, understand without having to give his advice. Can he act on what he says, can he show each and everyday that he cares and wants you all the time. Can we as woman do that? 

I think that perfect is in the eye of the beholder! My perfect is going to be different from my neighbors, best friend, or co worker. I have notice that since I am on my second divorce that looks are great, but it doesn't make that man. He could be good looking on the outside, but horrible on the inside. Hopefully for those woman that what it all they get both, but 9 out of 10 times a good looking guy is the guy that knows how to treat his woman, or is the perfect man for that woman. Or if you just go for the looks, that is what you are going to get. Me I have gotten to where I go for what strikes me as interesting, intelligent, funny, in their profile. Then I look at their picture. I wish that I could say that I am perfect in that I don't always go for the profile and not the look, but I am human. But I have been able to go thru some of their pictures, and decide that he isn't that bad of a guy. Look what he does with his kids, his life, willing to have that goofy picture on his profile. That shows me that he has a life.

Here are some quotes to help you understand perfect man.

Church......

Church...This has been a hard thing for me to contemplate this last couple of years. Especially this last year. With everything that has gone on this year I have not made it my best friend. I have turned away from it. I have done some stupid things, not like what certain people have done with me in my separation and divorce. Sometimes I feel that when I really needed the support of the ward, I did not have it. I still think that away. I feel that men gets more support from the church than women do. And he isn't even in the ward anymore. 

So how does this happen? Is it a male thing? Does the church have more respect for the male figures in the church than they do for the females? Or is it that I live in a small town? OR is it all me?  There are so many of my friends that have not had the support of the church, but their husbands have. I even had it in my own family with my parents! The leaders supported the males and not the woman. How does this happen in a church that should be loving and helping everyone no matter what, who, or where they come from. Am I just reading things into it or am I not really where I need to be when it comes to church? I believe in the teachings, but somewhere I have lost the faith, the hope, the love of the church.

Lately I have felt like I am missing a huge part of my life. I missing that purpose in life! I feel that I am not giving everything to my kids that they need. I think most of it is not being active in the church. Not having that calming spirit in my home! Am I ready to be a perfect mormon? Probably not. But I would like to have that spirit back in my home. I haven't had it for so long, I think that it needs to come back to my home!
How do you go back to having that spirit in your home? How do you bring Christ back to your home? Good question! I am figuring that one out! I do know that doing what I have been doing this past year is not helping! But I also know that the feelings I have towards some of the people in the church is not helping either. How do you get past the feelings, the dislike, the dislike that people in your life seem to have control over whether or not you go to church! Is it a control or is it my dislike for those people that is stopping me from going to church? There has to be away to get past this? I know prayer, faith, and forgiveness, but it isn't that easy!
Let me break this down. First Faith. To have faith is to have hope for things that are not seen, which are true. So I do have faith Christ. I believe in him, but maybe it isn't as strong as it should be. I need to get that faith stronger, to nurture that faith. Just as Alma says if plant a seed and nourish it, if it is good it will grow and bear fruit. Same goes for faith, if we are obedient to the commandments, study,  and have that desire to believe our faith will grow stronger. Do I have that belief, I hope so, because I need to have that faith to grow stronger in my spiritual life.
Hope. Well hope and faith kind of go together. They work together.  Hope is that confident expectation of and longing for the promised blessings of righteousness. The scriptures often speak of hope as anticipation of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. So do I have the longing for those blessings? Am I ready to have eternal life through my faith in Christ or even faith to believe that I have support from the members?

Forgiveness! Huge obstacle for me! I have a hard time being forgiving when someone hurts me the way that I got hurt from my Gerald. When people say mean things to you it is hard to forget those words. They stay with you. So how do you forgive people for being people, for being human? Here is quote from David E. Sorensen. "Forgiveness means that problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the future with God's love in our hearts!" So does my not forgiving the things that people have said to me dictate how I live my life? How my life is going? Where it will be going if I don't have some forgiveness?

Love or Friendship.......

How do you know if you are going to be just good friends or end up in love with each other.

I met this guy last week. Really nice guy. Very much into history, church, and just an all around good guy. He got me thinking about how we love each other, how we communicate, or deal with each other as people! Do we know each others needs, wants, and desires. Or do we just force our wants, needs and desire onto our significant other. I think out of not knowing how to love each other we force what we think we all want out of love on each other. 

How do we get passed that? Well Darrin, this guy I met, is on to something. It goes back to my last post. The color code and the 5 love languages. Like I said in my last post, I am white. The more I read about white, the more I see myself that color. Yes I have a few personalities from the other colors, but the dominant is White. 

Now last night I took the 5 Love Language test. My scores, if I remember correctly, were 10, 9, 6, 3, and 0. So I am Physical touch, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality time, and gifts. So as you can see I am more of the touching, service, type person. This analogy makes so much sense to me.  I have gotten to know myself that much better by taking these quizzes. I know that it sounds very off the wall, and I kind of thought so to, but the more that he explained things, and taking the test. The more I thought wow he is on to something. He is on to making his next relationship last. He will understand that much better how the other person will react to things, what they need. and what their desires are. He will make someone an awesome husband.  As for me, I have a learned a little bit more about myself.  Why I act the way I do sometimes. What I need out of a relationship. It makes me hopeful that when and if I get remarried, that I will be able to make it work and last an eternity.

I think that every couple should take these two test. I would challenge couples out there to take these two test. Old married, new married, and ones that are about to be married. I really do belief that this will help any marriage or relationship to become better. You can take them with your kids to. 

Life....

So I haven't been on here blogging since May. Wow that is a long time. A lot has happened.

Me personally, I still have my struggles. I still struggle with my self esteem. That I am worth something to someone. That it isn't a bad thing to be divorce twice. I am learning that I can be very assertive if I need to be. I am learning to communicate better. At least I think I am. 

Let me see! Things that have gone on in my life and my kids. Well we are done with summer. It went by fast. I didn't get to do all the things that I wanted to with my kids. But we did do a few little outings. 

Taylor, Anna, Devin, and me took a trip to Craters of the Moon. Christopher well he wouldn't get up. Didn't want to go. I really missed him. I wish that he would have went with us. We had a lot of fun. It was very interesting. I haven't been there since I was a little girl. So it was exciting to be able to take some of my kids to something that I had gone to when I was little.

July I took a few day and went to my High School Reunion. Lori, Dennis, and I went. Dennis is Lori's boyfriend. It was a lot of fun. I am sure glad that Lori has found someone that loves her for her. And isn't trying to change her, but trying to help her improve her life.

Did I have a slippery slope, as my counselor says. Yes! But I think I am done with those slippery slopes. At least I hope that I am. It wasn't a bad one, just one that I wouldn't tell me my kids about.

     Gerald and I got into one day. He literally was able to take my self esteem down several notches. He had said somethings that really cut me down and hurt me. I also said stuff that was probably damaging. I never thought that we felt that way about each.  Granted that some of it was true, but to say it out of anger. They always say that you will say stuff you shouldn't out of anger. Well we did. Gerald had basically told me that I was a horrible mother, that I didn't know anything about sex. That is why my first husband left me. I told him that he didn't have balls to stand up with his child. That maybe he should be more like a dad. That he is a dumb ass.  Talk about cutting someone low. But I have recovered from that a stronger person. Not fully, the words are always going to be there. They were said. There is no taking them back. But I realize that they are just words. That it doesn't matter what we thinks about each other. What matters is how I feel about ourselfs.

Work is crazy. New CEO. That is always scary. Don't know exactly what will go on, but I hope his changes will be good. I changed my shifts to the day time so that I could be home with my kids at night. This has actually been good. Hopefully I will be able to get my butt in gear and actually start cooking meals every night, instead of just once in awhile.

As far as a dating life! Not happening anymore. In fact, last night was the first date I have had in 1 month. Last night was the first time that I really enjoyed that conversation, and the company. Believe it or not he was LDS.  Who knows. But I did learn somethings that really made sense to me. 

He explained Personality Color Codes to me. That he goes by this in his relationships so that he can better understand his partners. So that he can be a better partner. He talked about the 5 love languages.

Words of Affirmation

• If this is your love language, words speak louder than actions. Terms of endearment, such as a simple "I love you," mean more to you than a wealth of gold as can thoughtful compliments on your appearance, gratitude and appreciation for your actions. Likewise, callous statements, such as "I hate it when you do that," can seem to hurt you more deeply and lastingly than if you were cut with a knife.

Quality Time

• If quality time is your love language, spending time together with your attention focused completely on one another is the most important thing to you in a relationship. Taking time for date nights is like fuel in your engine, while missed or canceled dates can be like a leak in your gas tank. People who value quality time most also value listening skills and can become tremendously hurt if they feel like you're not listening to them.

Receiving Gifts

• It's not the gift that counts, per se, but the thought behind it, even for those whose primary love language is receiving gifts. Still, a gift is symbolic of all the love, care and thoughtfulness that went behind it, and if this is your main love language, then you know this better than anyone. For these people, holiday gifts are very important. Meaningful gifts given spontaneously with no specific cause for celebration are sometimes appreciated more because of their unexpectedness. Missing a special occasion, however, can shatter such a person, whereas a simple well-chosen card can lighten up the day.

Acts of Service

• Here, the actions that speak even louder than words are actions taken to do things for the other person. If this is your love language, having the other person take some menial chore off your hands is more powerful a gift than any material object or "I love you." This isn't because you're lazy or want a lover who waits on you hand and foot. It's because you keenly appreciate the value in another person doing something she doesn't really relish doing, such as washing the dishes or doing the laundry, simply out of love for you. This kind of giving melts your heart, and its opposite -- broken promises -- hardens your heart, making you feel that the other person doesn't really care about you at all.

Physical Touch

• No words need be spoken, no gifts need be exchanged to make certain people happy in a relationship. If physical touch is your love language, all you need is a little tenderness. A gentle touch, holding hands, a passionate kiss. All these speak volumes more to you than anything your partner could do, give or say. On the other hand, recoiling from your touch could be the kiss of death for you. Negative touching, such as physical violence, could destroy not only the relationship but you as well.

The color code is a personality test that tells you what color you are. Then explains what that color means. Go to colorcode.com.

My color is White. Here is what it means.

MOTIVE [ Peace ]

Whites are motivated by Peace. They seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. To them, feeling good is more important than being good. They are typically quiet by nature, process things very deeply and objectively withgreat clarity. Of all the colors, whites are the best listeners. They respect people who are direct but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle.

ABOUT WHITE

Whites need their "alone time" and refuse to be controlled by others. Whites want to do things their own way and in their own time. They ask little of others and resent others demanding much of them. Whites are much stronger than people think, but are not often seen for their strength because they don't easily reveal their feelings. Whites are even-tempered, diplomatic, and the voice of reason; but can also be indecisive, unexpressive, and silently stubborn. When you deal with a WHITE, be kind, accept and support their individuality, and look for non-verbal clues to understand their feelings.

I can tell you that most of this fits me. Who I am. It explains a lot about me. You  should go take this test. Have your significant other take the test. Maybe it will help both of you to become closer in your relationship. 

I want to thank Darrin for teaching me these things. Because it really makes sense to me. I hope that I will be able to corporate it into my life and relationships.

What I am looking for in a relationship. I think that this quote sums it up.

"It's a beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you've built up around your mind and let them inside."

Well that is the short version of the summer. I will try to keep up better on the blog. Cause really, it helps me with my thoughts. It helps to write my thoughts down, and be able to read them. Realizing that I have come far in a year.