Life....

So I haven't been on here blogging since May. Wow that is a long time. A lot has happened.

Me personally, I still have my struggles. I still struggle with my self esteem. That I am worth something to someone. That it isn't a bad thing to be divorce twice. I am learning that I can be very assertive if I need to be. I am learning to communicate better. At least I think I am. 

Let me see! Things that have gone on in my life and my kids. Well we are done with summer. It went by fast. I didn't get to do all the things that I wanted to with my kids. But we did do a few little outings. 

Taylor, Anna, Devin, and me took a trip to Craters of the Moon. Christopher well he wouldn't get up. Didn't want to go. I really missed him. I wish that he would have went with us. We had a lot of fun. It was very interesting. I haven't been there since I was a little girl. So it was exciting to be able to take some of my kids to something that I had gone to when I was little.

July I took a few day and went to my High School Reunion. Lori, Dennis, and I went. Dennis is Lori's boyfriend. It was a lot of fun. I am sure glad that Lori has found someone that loves her for her. And isn't trying to change her, but trying to help her improve her life.

Did I have a slippery slope, as my counselor says. Yes! But I think I am done with those slippery slopes. At least I hope that I am. It wasn't a bad one, just one that I wouldn't tell me my kids about.

     Gerald and I got into one day. He literally was able to take my self esteem down several notches. He had said somethings that really cut me down and hurt me. I also said stuff that was probably damaging. I never thought that we felt that way about each.  Granted that some of it was true, but to say it out of anger. They always say that you will say stuff you shouldn't out of anger. Well we did. Gerald had basically told me that I was a horrible mother, that I didn't know anything about sex. That is why my first husband left me. I told him that he didn't have balls to stand up with his child. That maybe he should be more like a dad. That he is a dumb ass.  Talk about cutting someone low. But I have recovered from that a stronger person. Not fully, the words are always going to be there. They were said. There is no taking them back. But I realize that they are just words. That it doesn't matter what we thinks about each other. What matters is how I feel about ourselfs.

Work is crazy. New CEO. That is always scary. Don't know exactly what will go on, but I hope his changes will be good. I changed my shifts to the day time so that I could be home with my kids at night. This has actually been good. Hopefully I will be able to get my butt in gear and actually start cooking meals every night, instead of just once in awhile.

As far as a dating life! Not happening anymore. In fact, last night was the first date I have had in 1 month. Last night was the first time that I really enjoyed that conversation, and the company. Believe it or not he was LDS.  Who knows. But I did learn somethings that really made sense to me. 

He explained Personality Color Codes to me. That he goes by this in his relationships so that he can better understand his partners. So that he can be a better partner. He talked about the 5 love languages.

Words of Affirmation

• If this is your love language, words speak louder than actions. Terms of endearment, such as a simple "I love you," mean more to you than a wealth of gold as can thoughtful compliments on your appearance, gratitude and appreciation for your actions. Likewise, callous statements, such as "I hate it when you do that," can seem to hurt you more deeply and lastingly than if you were cut with a knife.

Quality Time

• If quality time is your love language, spending time together with your attention focused completely on one another is the most important thing to you in a relationship. Taking time for date nights is like fuel in your engine, while missed or canceled dates can be like a leak in your gas tank. People who value quality time most also value listening skills and can become tremendously hurt if they feel like you're not listening to them.

Receiving Gifts

• It's not the gift that counts, per se, but the thought behind it, even for those whose primary love language is receiving gifts. Still, a gift is symbolic of all the love, care and thoughtfulness that went behind it, and if this is your main love language, then you know this better than anyone. For these people, holiday gifts are very important. Meaningful gifts given spontaneously with no specific cause for celebration are sometimes appreciated more because of their unexpectedness. Missing a special occasion, however, can shatter such a person, whereas a simple well-chosen card can lighten up the day.

Acts of Service

• Here, the actions that speak even louder than words are actions taken to do things for the other person. If this is your love language, having the other person take some menial chore off your hands is more powerful a gift than any material object or "I love you." This isn't because you're lazy or want a lover who waits on you hand and foot. It's because you keenly appreciate the value in another person doing something she doesn't really relish doing, such as washing the dishes or doing the laundry, simply out of love for you. This kind of giving melts your heart, and its opposite -- broken promises -- hardens your heart, making you feel that the other person doesn't really care about you at all.

Physical Touch

• No words need be spoken, no gifts need be exchanged to make certain people happy in a relationship. If physical touch is your love language, all you need is a little tenderness. A gentle touch, holding hands, a passionate kiss. All these speak volumes more to you than anything your partner could do, give or say. On the other hand, recoiling from your touch could be the kiss of death for you. Negative touching, such as physical violence, could destroy not only the relationship but you as well.

The color code is a personality test that tells you what color you are. Then explains what that color means. Go to colorcode.com.

My color is White. Here is what it means.

MOTIVE [ Peace ]

Whites are motivated by Peace. They seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. To them, feeling good is more important than being good. They are typically quiet by nature, process things very deeply and objectively withgreat clarity. Of all the colors, whites are the best listeners. They respect people who are direct but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle.

ABOUT WHITE

Whites need their "alone time" and refuse to be controlled by others. Whites want to do things their own way and in their own time. They ask little of others and resent others demanding much of them. Whites are much stronger than people think, but are not often seen for their strength because they don't easily reveal their feelings. Whites are even-tempered, diplomatic, and the voice of reason; but can also be indecisive, unexpressive, and silently stubborn. When you deal with a WHITE, be kind, accept and support their individuality, and look for non-verbal clues to understand their feelings.

I can tell you that most of this fits me. Who I am. It explains a lot about me. You  should go take this test. Have your significant other take the test. Maybe it will help both of you to become closer in your relationship. 

I want to thank Darrin for teaching me these things. Because it really makes sense to me. I hope that I will be able to corporate it into my life and relationships.

What I am looking for in a relationship. I think that this quote sums it up.

"It's a beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you've built up around your mind and let them inside."

Well that is the short version of the summer. I will try to keep up better on the blog. Cause really, it helps me with my thoughts. It helps to write my thoughts down, and be able to read them. Realizing that I have come far in a year.