Church...This has been a hard thing for me to contemplate this last couple of years. Especially this last year. With everything that has gone on this year I have not made it my best friend. I have turned away from it. I have done some stupid things, not like what certain people have done with me in my separation and divorce. Sometimes I feel that when I really needed the support of the ward, I did not have it. I still think that away. I feel that men gets more support from the church than women do. And he isn't even in the ward anymore.
So how does this happen? Is it a male thing? Does the church have more respect for the male figures in the church than they do for the females? Or is it that I live in a small town? OR is it all me? There are so many of my friends that have not had the support of the church, but their husbands have. I even had it in my own family with my parents! The leaders supported the males and not the woman. How does this happen in a church that should be loving and helping everyone no matter what, who, or where they come from. Am I just reading things into it or am I not really where I need to be when it comes to church? I believe in the teachings, but somewhere I have lost the faith, the hope, the love of the church.
Lately I have felt like I am missing a huge part of my life. I missing that purpose in life! I feel that I am not giving everything to my kids that they need. I think most of it is not being active in the church. Not having that calming spirit in my home! Am I ready to be a perfect mormon? Probably not. But I would like to have that spirit back in my home. I haven't had it for so long, I think that it needs to come back to my home!
How do you go back to having that spirit in your home? How do you bring Christ back to your home? Good question! I am figuring that one out! I do know that doing what I have been doing this past year is not helping! But I also know that the feelings I have towards some of the people in the church is not helping either. How do you get past the feelings, the dislike, the dislike that people in your life seem to have control over whether or not you go to church! Is it a control or is it my dislike for those people that is stopping me from going to church? There has to be away to get past this? I know prayer, faith, and forgiveness, but it isn't that easy!
Let me break this down. First Faith. To have faith is to have hope for things that are not seen, which are true. So I do have faith Christ. I believe in him, but maybe it isn't as strong as it should be. I need to get that faith stronger, to nurture that faith. Just as Alma says if plant a seed and nourish it, if it is good it will grow and bear fruit. Same goes for faith, if we are obedient to the commandments, study, and have that desire to believe our faith will grow stronger. Do I have that belief, I hope so, because I need to have that faith to grow stronger in my spiritual life.
Hope. Well hope and faith kind of go together. They work together. Hope is that confident expectation of and longing for the promised blessings of righteousness. The scriptures often speak of hope as anticipation of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. So do I have the longing for those blessings? Am I ready to have eternal life through my faith in Christ or even faith to believe that I have support from the members?
How do you go back to having that spirit in your home? How do you bring Christ back to your home? Good question! I am figuring that one out! I do know that doing what I have been doing this past year is not helping! But I also know that the feelings I have towards some of the people in the church is not helping either. How do you get past the feelings, the dislike, the dislike that people in your life seem to have control over whether or not you go to church! Is it a control or is it my dislike for those people that is stopping me from going to church? There has to be away to get past this? I know prayer, faith, and forgiveness, but it isn't that easy!
Let me break this down. First Faith. To have faith is to have hope for things that are not seen, which are true. So I do have faith Christ. I believe in him, but maybe it isn't as strong as it should be. I need to get that faith stronger, to nurture that faith. Just as Alma says if plant a seed and nourish it, if it is good it will grow and bear fruit. Same goes for faith, if we are obedient to the commandments, study, and have that desire to believe our faith will grow stronger. Do I have that belief, I hope so, because I need to have that faith to grow stronger in my spiritual life.
Hope. Well hope and faith kind of go together. They work together. Hope is that confident expectation of and longing for the promised blessings of righteousness. The scriptures often speak of hope as anticipation of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. So do I have the longing for those blessings? Am I ready to have eternal life through my faith in Christ or even faith to believe that I have support from the members?
Forgiveness! Huge obstacle for me! I have a hard time being forgiving when someone hurts me the way that I got hurt from my Gerald. When people say mean things to you it is hard to forget those words. They stay with you. So how do you forgive people for being people, for being human? Here is quote from David E. Sorensen. "Forgiveness means that problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the future with God's love in our hearts!" So does my not forgiving the things that people have said to me dictate how I live my life? How my life is going? Where it will be going if I don't have some forgiveness?
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